Presented at the June 8, 2022 Hospice of the Northwest
All Staff Meeting
Rev. Dr. Linda Allen, Certified Clinical Musician
I have been invited now to participate in several Death with Dignity (DWD) events, involving patients I had grown to care about. Death with Dignity is the process, legal in Washington State, of a patient choosing to end their life with the help of prescribed drugs
The first one was challenging: How do I let go of someone whose life mattered to me, but who has made the decision to end their suffering? It was difficult.
When invited to attend, I felt that I needed to find a way to make this passage sacred, as this life had been sacred. Families were glad to have the simple ritual I suggested, as were the DWD volunteers I worked with. I offer it as a template, a way to ritualize this event.
I begin by talking with the patient, family and caregivers. Would they welcome a simple ritual? Are there things they would want included? Do they have a faith path…a favorite song? Are there foods they would like shared even though the patient will not be able to eat because of the drugs being administered? Are there concerns about fragrances, etc.?
I then gather materials, set up a small altar, and prepare myself. When gathering the family around the patient’s bed, I explain that the event will take about ten to fifteen minutes. Once the drink has been administered, death will usually happen between fifteen minutes and an hour. This ritual mostly precedes the drinking of the cup.
Here is the ritual I have done. Feel free to use it as a template.
Set altar with flower, candle, chime. Consider leaving the flower and vase for the family.
Stand in circle around patient’s bed. Hold hands, if comfortable.
Offer a blessing, allow time for goodbyes. Consider handing out copies of Linda’s blessing (below) to read together. It can be tailored to fit the patient. Leave plenty of time for others in the group to add a blessing, goodbyes, or memories.
Breathe and hold silence as the patient takes the cup.
As the patient falls into sleep, play selected songs from Linda’s website (below), or the patient’s choice, or a combination. One patient selected “I Did It My Way”, played on an IPhone by Frank Sinatra. Others may choose hymns. The web will have access to a large number of songs.
Here is a suggested song list from Linda’s recordings, which can be accessed and downloaded here:
Linda’s Blessing
May you now travel homeward, knowing that you are surrounded by the love of your family and friends.
May you be blessed with the comfort of the peace and kindness that you brought into this weary world.
May you know that the work you have done, the people you have loved and the life you have lived, speak for you.
May you find wonderful surprises on your journey, beyond the door into the Great Mystery.
May your memories now bring you comfort of the love and adventures of your life.
May there be a light to guide you on your way into the Mystery.
We thank you for your love, for your teachings, for the great gift of your spirit. We will carry it on, and remember you with love and kindness.
Safe Journey. Now your work is done.
(Those gathered may add any additional comments or goodbyes.)
Additional information on related work as well as many other resources can be found on the Therapeutic Music page of Linda’s website.
